Tag Archives: death

It's All About Me

Pass the Xanax please!

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Since the arrival of Ellie last month, for some strange reason I have been on edge.
Things have become so bad that I am having a hard time sleeping.
If it wasn’t for things like my DVR, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter I would probably lose my mind.
Even on the night when I do make it into the bedroom and lay down to go to sleep I find myself constantly checking on Ellie.
Every little noise she makes while I am sleeping wakes me up.
Every time she spits up in her sleep, I am right at her side.
Every time she is quiet for an extended period of time, there I am making sure she is still breathing.
And….it’s not just Ellie that is doing this to me.
When I hear strange noises in the house I freak out.
I can’t have any blinds open after the Alex goes to work because I constantly feel like someone is watching me.
I have to check multiple times before I go to bed that all the doors and windows in the house are locked.

See….I am losing my shit.

Oh and when I do finally manage to gather my shit long enough to catch a few zzz’s I wake up over and over and over again either because I hear something or because I have some crazy, screwed up dream that jolts me awake.

Again, I admit it….I am losing my shit.

Over the last few days, things have become worse.
Friends of ours lost their daughter just shy of 37 weeks gestation.
Ellie was born just shy of 37 weeks gestation.
Their daughter didn’t make it, but ours did.
Of course, my heart is aching for them.
I have cried multiple times for them.
I have held Ellie closer, tighter and have had moments where I am afraid to put her down.
It has become so bad that I rarely allow Ellie to leave my sight.

I am at the point where I am so exhausted I don’t know what to do because no matter how hard I try I just can’t get a decent night’s sleep.

I guess it is time to see the doctor…..

Pass the Xanax please.

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The crazy busy emotional week from hell

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It’s hard to believe that week ago today our family spent the day up north with the Alex’s parents, grandma and 2 uncles to enjoy an early Thanksgiving together before my in-laws departs for their 3 week Trans Atlantic cruise. We had a great time, shared some wonderful conversation, there was laughing and playing, kids running to and fro and even nap time for those who had indulged in too much turkey.

24 hours after that wonderful family celebration, we found ourselves in mourning.
One of the uncles that we had enjoyed the holiday with had passed away very unexpectedly.
There we were, in shock, tears flowing and our hearts breaking.

24 hours after learning of the news of Uncle Chet’s passing, we learned that Zack would need to have surgery and have screwed placed in his right hip to stabilize a growth plate that had slipped causing him pain.

24 hours later, I was sitting in a hospital room with Zack helping to comfort him and get through the pain from his surgery.

Less than 24 hours later we were leaving the hospital and bringing Zack hope to start his 8 week recovery.

Yesterday we attended the funeral for Uncle Chet. We shared stories that made us laugh and cry and we remembered a great man. We talked with other family members about what needs to be done, who needs to do what, right down to shipping furniture here and there to ensure that everyone in the family has something to remember Uncle Chet.

In the past week, I have shed more tears than I have in the last 6 months. It has been crazy, busy and emotional but it is a week to give thanks and I will be forever grateful that we spent last Sunday celebrating Thanksgiving early allowing us that last chance to spend time with Uncle Chet before he made his way to heaven.