Since the arrival of Ellie last month, for some strange reason I have been on edge.
Things have become so bad that I am having a hard time sleeping.
If it wasn’t for things like my DVR, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter I would probably lose my mind.
Even on the night when I do make it into the bedroom and lay down to go to sleep I find myself constantly checking on Ellie.
Every little noise she makes while I am sleeping wakes me up.
Every time she spits up in her sleep, I am right at her side.
Every time she is quiet for an extended period of time, there I am making sure she is still breathing.
And….it’s not just Ellie that is doing this to me.
When I hear strange noises in the house I freak out.
I can’t have any blinds open after the Alex goes to work because I constantly feel like someone is watching me.
I have to check multiple times before I go to bed that all the doors and windows in the house are locked.

See….I am losing my shit.

Oh and when I do finally manage to gather my shit long enough to catch a few zzz’s I wake up over and over and over again either because I hear something or because I have some crazy, screwed up dream that jolts me awake.

Again, I admit it….I am losing my shit.

Over the last few days, things have become worse.
Friends of ours lost their daughter just shy of 37 weeks gestation.
Ellie was born just shy of 37 weeks gestation.
Their daughter didn’t make it, but ours did.
Of course, my heart is aching for them.
I have cried multiple times for them.
I have held Ellie closer, tighter and have had moments where I am afraid to put her down.
It has become so bad that I rarely allow Ellie to leave my sight.

I am at the point where I am so exhausted I don’t know what to do because no matter how hard I try I just can’t get a decent night’s sleep.

I guess it is time to see the doctor…..

Pass the Xanax please.