Contrary to what many may think, divorces aren’t always messy affairs. But in some cases, they can become complicated because of various factors surrounding the marriage or because one or both the parties are actually hindering the process through their actions. However, there are some things that you can do to make sure that the process remains as simple as possible. In this article, we’re going to give you a few basic mistakes mothers make when filing for divorce.

 

Don’t Let the Emotions Get in the Way

Divorce, especially if this is your first time around, can be one of the most difficult challenges in your whole life. And any issues relating with money, property or your children will be emotional. But you should never let your emotions dictate your path and course of action.

This is easier said than done considering that you may be in a emotional tailspin at the moment and might not be in the best state to discuss things like finances. Or you may be overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty about your financial future. But rushing into a settlement now could spell disaster later on and could make a huge difference down the line.

If we were to give you one piece of advice, it would be to regroup first and seek emotional help from someone close to you before you enter into any kinds of proceedings. They will not only be able to give you some basic advice if they’ve been through the wringer before, but also give you the emotional support that you so desperately need at the moment and bring you back to clarity. Only then will you be able to start focusing on your plan.

Not Getting Thoroughly Informed

It’s still surprising to see how many mothers enter family law cases while being completely in the dark. Either they’re intimidated by the whole process, waiting for their lawyers to handle everything for them, or they go in with their heads full of half truths and misconceptions. However, you have tons of resources at your disposal and it’s possible to understand how separation and divorce law works in your jurisdiction if you know where to look.

However, don’t think that you have the qualifications to represent yourself in court just yet. Meeting a lawyer will give you knowledge and  a more solid foundation. Work with experienced family lawyers if you want to understand the basics of your case and what you can expect. For those living in Canada, one recommended company to look into is Crossroads Law. This firm was founded around the goal of creating a family law service with a client centred approach, so you know they have your best interests in mind. These experienced divorce lawyers will be able to walk you through things like spousal support and child custody and will be able to explain some of the quirks and details surrounding divorce laws in your area.

You should also be informed about your rights as well. You shouldn’t have to worry about getting kicked out of your property because your spouse has decided to stop payments. Knowing your rights is essential if you want to know what you’re entitled to and how you’re protected. And make sure that you aren’t rushed into any settlements out of intimidation.

Speaking of intimidation, make sure that you don’t let your ex partner intimidate you into avoiding litigation. They might try to trick you into thinking that your lawyer is only out for your money, but don’t fall for it. If you’re involved in an acrimonious split, your lawyers should be the ones communicating, not the parties directly.

Putting too Much Weight into Free Consultations

Sure, it’s nice to know that you’ll be able to get some level of advice for free, but you shouldn’t get too excited about free consultations. Chances are you’ll only get summary information from a very junior lawyer. However, they’re still a decent way to gauge what type of firm you’re dealing with. However, if you want to get valuable information, then you have to be ready to pay for it.

Borrowing Money from Family Members for your Legal Fees

A lot of people will automatically think about borrowing from their family and friends when the time comes to file, but that could be a huge mistake on your part. Friend and money don’t often mix. Try to find any other source for financing if possible. You could look if you can use your home equity or apply for a credit card as an alternative if you want to avoid issues.

Not Avoiding Financial Sabotage

If you leave joint credit lines open after you’ve made it clear that you’re going to be filing for a divorce, you are opening yourself to all kinds of issues. Your ex could do everything in their power to ruin your credit by taking all kinds of dubious loans and running up your credit. So, make sure that you close any joint credit lines and home equity that could be used to sabotage your credit,  liquidated, or used to fund the other party’s litigation before anyone knows that you’re actually going to be applying for a divorce.

This is why it’s important that mothers are well aware of their household’s full financial picture at all times. Too many mothers make the mistake of letting their partner take care of everything that has to do with money in the house. In other cases, they might have a solid grasp on anything related to household accounts, but be completely in the dark when it comes to the family business. If you don’t have a clear picture of your finances, you won’t be able to come to a fair settlement.

So make sure that you have access to your tax returns, and have access to your investment and bank accounts’ documents and passwords. And make sure that you review your credit report and look for discrepancies as well.

While this can seem intimidating at first, know that you don’t have to deal with it on your own. A good financial planner will help you with the whole process and will allow you to better interpret and organize all of this data.

And if you have important parenting related fees that need to be taken care of, make sure that you do it now with marital funds before you have to deal with the courts. If any of your kids need an important surgery or an elective surgery that they may need in the foreseeable future, do it now since things could get complicated later.

Starting a New Relationship Right Away

While you may be tempted to seek comfort in the arms of someone else during this difficult time, it’s a very bad idea to enter a new relationship right away before the divorce is finalized. This will only add fuel to the fire, even if the other side happened to be the one who was unfaithful in the first place. Don’t give the other party any type of ammunition or reasons to throw a wrench into the proceedings. Try to keep things as amicable as you can if you want the process to go as smoothly as possible.

Conclusion

Mothers are often the most vulnerable party when comes the time to file for divorce. That’s why it’s important that you come as thoroughly prepared as possible and know as much as you can about the process in order to facilitate it.

If you have children and have decided to get divorced, one of your biggest concerns as a responsible parent is how to create a custody plan that really works for your family.

One solution might be a parenting plan. This can improve the prospect of giving your children a smoother and less stressful transition towards a new family routine.

Here is a look at how to reach agreement between your ex spouse that successfully addresses custody and visitation rights, plus an overview of how to meet all their emotional needs and create ways to safeguard your children’s future.

The importance of a parenting plan

Getting divorced can be an emotional and stressful ordeal, especially when you have to find a workable solution that lets both of you carry on being the parents you want to be for your kids.

This is why a parenting plan is worth thinking about when you are going through your divorce arrangements. Try to find a way forward that feels right for you and your children.

Contact Family Lawyers Sydney and they will tell you that a parenting plan doesn’t have to be a formal process if you don’t want it to be. If you can both come to an amicable and informal agreement, that will be just fine. There is always the option of filing a formal document in court. This is sometimes required as part of a child custody agreement.

The main issue to resolve surrounds physical and legal custody, although there are plenty of other important issues that need sorting at the same time.

These include reaching an agreement on child support and a working out a visitation schedule that you are both happy with. It is also a good time to make some decisions on their future financial and medical needs. Talk about who is going to take care of health care bills, college savings and other parental responsibilities that continue after divorce.

A parenting plan is a comprehensive document that must be signed by both parents. It helps create a clear framework that addresses all the topics you would have discussed and resolved before splitting up.

How you put the plan together and how formal it is, will be down to both of you. But it can help you to focus on everything that needs to be done to continue parenting your children after the divorce.

Looking ahead

If you are granted joint custody, there are bound to be times in the future where you will need to work together as parents and decide on important issues on behalf of your children.

How you share information with each other and how you communicate are things you might have taken for granted when you were married.

Having a parenting plan in place can help to set the agenda, it can help you both agree on a communication process at the time of your divorce. It is worth discussing this issue because it often means that there is less chance of disappointment or confrontation at a later date.

Unfortunately, this can still happen if one parent feels they are being excluded from some of the big decisions about their child.

Meeting all needs of your child

It is only natural to worry about the effect getting divorced will have on your children. Although recent research tends to suggest that there are plenty of kids who cope better with the situation than you might think.

If you have a good relationship with your child before the separation, there is every reason to be positive and believe that this can continue in the future after you are a divorced.

You are still mom or dad to them, and if you continue giving them all the emotional support they need, it can help reduce any stress or upset they are experiencing after your split.

It is worth remembering that a court will always want to consider the emotional wellbeing of your child when making a decision over custody of your child.

The main aim for everyone involved is to provide an environment that helps your child to develop in a normal and healthy way. If you do end up going through a formal court process when getting divorced, expect to be asked about how you are going to care and provide for your child in a way that meets their emotional needs.

Achieving a peaceful transition

Getting divorced is a testament to the fact that you no longer get along as well as you used to. However, it can make a big difference to the emotional wellbeing of your children if you try and put your differences aside and focus on working hard at achieving a peaceful transition. Although your relationship is over, you may want to consider attending couples therapy still as a way to find a happy ground to co-parent peacefully.

It is always best to keep any heated conversations and arguments to yourselves. There is never going to be a good time to play out your battles in front of your children. Most kids are very perceptive, and they can spot any simmering tension very easily, which can make them anxious.

Even if you are not openly argumentative and simply want to try and talk over a few aspects of the separation arrangements, try your best to do this when the kids aren’t around and keep things as normal when you are with them. Try setting up a time and a space to meet to discuss any pending issues.

A final thought. When your child does go off to spend time with your ex, say goodbye to your child with a smile, and keep your emotions in check at least until they make it out of sight.

Jade Gallagher shares her support and knowledge online by writing articles about divorce. She went through a messy divorce 18 months ago but has come out the other side stronger, and happier, than ever.

Modern statistics show that anywhere from 40 to 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Why this is the case could fill entire books (and has), but the fact of the reality is that for many reasons, divorce is less of a worst-case scenario and more of something that everyone should consider as a possibility when entering marriage. Even if a divorce catches you off-guard, there are still things that you can do to minimize the blow and work through the process so you both can get on with your lives. The best approach is two-fold: putting together as much preparation as possible for the divorce process while adopting a healthy mindset that will see you through.

Preparation

The legal process of divorce begins when a petition is filed by one spouse with the court formally asking for divorce, even if both spouses agree. Sometimes, temporary orders will accompany this to handle immediate issues like custody or child support during the divorce process. There are several things you can do at this stage in order to get things in order.

One of the first things you should do, particularly if children or joint assets like a business you built together are present, is seek out a good lawyer. Not just any lawyer, even if they are skilled, will do. For example, Denver Family Lawyers would be intimately acquainted with some of the specificities of divorce law in not just the city, but all of Colorado. For example, Colorado no longer uses the term “custody” to define and determine how parents allocate parental responsibility and time with the minor child or children. Knowing how this affects your situation may make the difference between a smooth and rough transition into post-divorce life. As a result, when you need to find legal help, find a divorce lawyer who’s skillset matches your situation. Just as people with families will need help from a family lawyer, those who are dividing a business will want a small business lawyer.

In some cases, if the assets in question are relatively small or you and your spouse are amicable enough to negotiate in good faith, you may be able to forgo a formal court case. In this case, what you would use is a divorce mediator. This is a neutral third party who will help you facilitate your decisions during the divorce. This is not a substitute for your divorce lawyer, so always start with getting good legal help.

In some cases, if the divorce is going to get nasty, you may want to do some preparation of establishing a financial paper trail for yourself. Get a full disclosure of all financial records and accounts in order to paint as large and accurate a picture as possible of your finances before going to court.

Mindset

Despite the number of people that go through divorces each year in this country, numbers are of little comfort to people once the process starts, whether it is a long time coming or a surprise. However, once the die is cast, the onus is on both you and your spouse to approach the split in a healthy way.

One of the best things you can do during the divorce process is not be afraid to lean on those close to you for financial support. It can be tempting to want to hide, and every now and again, you will want to. But falling back into this too much can be painful and damaging. 

Another thing to do is something that you likely hear often, allowing yourself to grieve. Whether this is a long-term case of you growing apart or a marriage that failed quickly, accept the fact that there are different stages of grieving, and no set order. Allowing this to happen and accepting that it is not permanent will give you much-needed perspective emotionally, and even provide added clarity for the legal portion of divorce. Do not be afraid to start seeing a mental health professional for added guidance and help in this area, starting therapy of any kind can be very helpful to get you through these situations.

When we talk about mindsets and divorce, generally the first thing that comes to mind are toxic mindsets, spouses trying to financially cripple each other or worse, using children as a weapon or bargaining chip. The biggest commonality here is the need to “win,” the worst thing you can have on your mind during the divorce process. Don’t think of this as a contest so much as a transition, in order to get the best outcome possible for everyone involved: you, your wallet, and your family.

 

It used to be common for a couple that is getting married to buy matching wedding bands for each other. However, it is becoming increasingly popular nowadays to purchase separate rings individually, so the bride will get to choose the groom’s ring. If this is something that you are planning to do for your wedding, then you will want to make sure that you choose wisely and get a ring that matches your groom’s taste, as well as his lifestyle.

Work Out A Budget

One of the first things that you will need to do is to work out how much money you have to spend on the wedding ring for your husband. When you know how much you have to spend you can then start to look around and see what is available.

Start Looking Early

You will want to make sure that you leave yourself plenty of time to search for the perfect wedding band for your partner. The more time that you have, the more shopping you can do, and when it comes to men’s wedding bands, there is a multitude of choice on offer.

Find A Quality Jewellery Company

Before you start to look properly for wedding bands, it is worth your time to find a reputable and quality jewellery company first. SimonWestJewellery.com offers a personalised service and can assist you with your search for the perfect wedding band.

Consider His Lifestyle

It is important to choose a style of ring that is going to match your partner’s lifestyle, and the choice of metal is one of the biggest considerations. You may wish to choose a harder metal than gold, such as platinum or palladium, and you can also find more about the strength of the different metals by studying the Rockwell Scale so that you can decide which metal is better.

What Does He Like?

Something that you need to keep in mind when shopping for the ring is that it is not you that is wearing it. Some men do not like jewellery that is too decorative, or flashy, preferring something much simpler. Take into account your partner’s personal taste when choosing a ring, and make sure that it matches. A simple solution to help you find the most suitable band is to ask them what their preferences are before you start the search.

Measure Twice, Cut Once!

Alright you do not actually need to cut anything, but when looking at the different wedding bands it is important that you know what size ring your partner wears. The last thing that you want is to get to the altar and find that the ring does not fit!

Think Long Term

Make sure that you choose a ring that is going to stand the test of time, just the same as your marriage! Pick a ring that is going to match your partner’s lifestyle and is robust enough to last for many years to come. There is so much choice available that the biggest problem you will find is which one to choose! With some shopping around and a bit of patience, you will be able to find the perfect ring for your partner and start the rest of your life together in style.