Becoming a grandparent for the first time is such a special thing in your life. Not only do you get to see your child become a parent, but you get to welcome a new baby into the family, and the dynamic can really change. And when you think about how you are going to be as a grandparent, it is good to take some time to think it over. Are you going to be a good grandparent, or perhaps plan to be a great grandparent? What you want to make sure that you aren’t, is that you aren’t a grandparent that actually makes the life of the new mom and dad worse. You want to be there to make things easier for them as they adjust to this new stage of life, rather than making it worse.
If you want to go down as one of the best grandparent around, then here are some tips to help you know what the best ways to help will be. Is there anything else that you would add to the list?
Offer Babysitting
Now this isn’t so that the parents can go wild out on the town, because let’s face it, this isn’t something that a new mom is going to want to do, especially in those early days. But they are going to want to take a bath or have a shower, or even go and get a massage or hair cut. Knowing that they will be able to do all of that without the stress of a crying baby can be a wonderful thing. You get baby cuddles, and it is something that is actually going to be a lot of use to the new parents.
Help in the Home
In a similar way, just coming over to help around the house can be as good as a break for a new parent. If they are able to nap or simply sit and feed their baby or have cuddles while you help to do dishes or fold laundry, is such a good way to be useful to them. You are lightening their load, quite literally, and it means just one less thing on their list of things to do. We know that grandparents aren’t just housekeepers, but in those newborn stages, if you really want to be helpful, then little things like that can make such a difference.
Keep Quiet
It can be hard to keep quiet about some things, but unless you are asked for your advice or opinion on something, then it can be a good time to let your child and their partner figure things out by themselves. They need to decide what kind of parenting route they want to take and what they do or don’t decide is going to be up to them; not you. Times are different now too from when you will have been raising a baby, so just let them do what they want to do. If they ask for help or advice on what you would do with something, then go for it by all means. But if you aren’t asked, then don’t just give unsolicited advice. Even when it is meant with the best intention, it can make sleep deprived new parents feel like they’re doing things wrong or being judged, which is not what you want.
It can be a good idea to read up on a few things, though, so that you are best equipped to know how to help or what the right things to buy for the baby are. For instance, an article like this one, Newborn Skin Peeling: What Causes It And How To Best Treat It, could be a good thing to share with them if this is becoming an issue with the baby. Then it helps them to make a decision, because through the lack of sleep they are unlikely to feel inclined to be doing all of the research. So be informed; just don’t go telling them what to do when it isn’t your place to do so.
Don’t Post Photos Without Permission
In the day and age that we now live in, it can be so tempting to share pictures of your new grandbaby as often as you get to see them. But even though you are a grandparent, you are not their parent. So you need to ask for permission. They be fine with it all and will have let you know. But if they aren’t happy with images being shared, then you do need to respect their wishes. Just get some printed out to have at home to show your friends, rather than sharing online.
The same goes for pictures of the family too. It won’t be the first time that a new mom has had a photo put up of her online, when she is in hospital having just given birth. Unless you have asked and it has been approved, that isn’t likely to be something that anyone wants to have posted of them online. So be respectful and get permission.
Give Reassurance
As you are likely to remember, becoming a parent for the first time, while magical and lovely, it is utterly life-changing. It can turn their whole world upside down, and it isn’t one of those things that you can really prepare for either; it is never how you imagine it will be like. So while the new parents will be feeling overwhelmed and getting used to their new normal, it is a good idea to make sure that you are doing all that you can to reassure them. Tell them they are doing a great job and praise the positive things that they are doing. It can mean a lot, for sure.
Spot Signs of Postnatal Depression
Acts of Service
As has been said, having a baby is life changing. And for new moms, the baby blues is really common. But if it is seeming like more than that, then it is an important thing for the people around the new mom to check in on her and check that she is OK. To her, a new mom, she is unlikely to make the connection to feeling down or unlike herself to postnatal depression. So if you think that you can see some signs, such as lack of motivation, lack of bonding with the baby, and so on, then it can be a good idea to talk to her about it. Simply letting her know that she doesn’t have to feel like that all of the time could be enough to help her to seek medical advice. It could be just what she needs to hear but she wouldn’t have got to that conclusion on her own.
It can be easier to perform acts of service when you live close by as you can quickly call and say you’re going to the store and asking if there is anything that they need. You could even just drop by with a homemade meal from time to time, just to lighten their burden. But wherever you live, there are things that you can do to be of service and to show them that you care. Sending things in the mail, or simply an email or text to let them know that they are doing a great job can be all that they need and can make their day much better. Knowing that they’re not in this parent business alone can be all that they need to know to help them.