*****In case anyone missed this on The Birth post, this is a comment from The Good Ex-Wife (who is the girlfriend I am talking about in these posts). I wanted to make sure that everyone is aware of what the situation was.*****
The Good Ex-Wife wrote:
Ouch…this is a little painful…okay, here goes. To be fair, he didn’t tell me about her. At all. We started dating (and yes, his car was repo’d, phone disconnected, etc….don’t ask me why I didn’t RUN the other way!!!) and he didn’t mention her for about a month!!! When he finally did tell me about her, the story I got was “There is this girl who is kind of like a friends with benefits kind of friend who’s pregnant. She says the baby might be mine, but it might be this other guy’s too…she doesn’t know. If it IS my baby, I just want you to know that I AM going to be a father to him, and if you can’t handle that we need to end this right now.” Wow. I was needless to say – blown away!!! Part of me wanted to run, screaming. The other part thought that he sounded really stand up for taking his responsibilities seriously because family is so important to me. I agreed to stick in it. When the baby was born, he INSISTED that I go to the hospital with him. I told him I didn’t think it was right. He said that he needed me there, and that if I was going to be in his life, or if this WAS his child, in his son’s life, that I would do this with/for him. He assured me that because they had only been “friends with benefits” that it wouldn’t bother her in the least. I felt like the biggest ass in the world! I’m sure I’ve been less comfortable at other times in my life…but I can’t remember when! As he held his child, he said to me “this is NOT a (fill in his last name here)” He got VERY upset about his name (first, middle AND last) and I asked him “what do you care if you don’t think he is yours?” to which he replied “I’m sure she only did that because she didn’t know who the father was.” He had a way of saying things and convincing you that it was true, and I guess if you WANT to believe someone, it’s easier to swallow their lies. At this point we were only dating for 2 months (I KNOW! WHAT was I thinking???) and got engaged later that week (although he had already bought the ring and planned on proposing and obviously told her in the hospital the night baby was born). All I can say is that I never would have gotten involved with him had I known what he was really like…but I can’t say that I’m sorry that I did, just like she can’t. We got the only good things that he had to offer, and I love them with all my heart! Bonus: a couple of good friends 😉
OK…back to my story
Shortly after the birth of my dear sweet lovable little Zack a battle started to brew between myself and Sperm Donor #1. If I remember correctly, he was about a month old when Sperm Donor #1 up and decided he might not be his daddy and ordered the DNA test to establish paternity. I found this quite interesting since the entire time I Was pregnant, he did not question it once. He also knew damn well that there was no chance that Zack was anyone else’s child unless there had been an immaculate conception. However, he still insisted that we have a DNA test (that he had to pay for) to confirm he was in fact his father.
So there we were. The three of us crammed into the tiny room in the child support office waiting to get our mouths swabbed with a giant q-tip.
After that, the waiting began. During that time, Sperm Donor #1 did not try see my son or call to check on him.
I will never forget that glorious day in June when I called my child support case worker and asked her if the results were in yet. She informed that they were and agreed to fax them to me at work. I remember picking up the phone to call Sperm Donor #1 to inform him that he was proven to be Zack’s father and the results were 99.99%. Yes, 99.99% is exactly what the paper read.
It was after that day that Sperm Donor #1 decided he was going to step in to be a Daddy. I however was not willing to give in that easily. By this time, Zack was already 3 months old and I had been covering all expenses for him including the cost of daycare by myself (with additional help from my parents when needed). Sperm Donor #1 never offered or made an attempt to help me.
We finally went to court in early September of 1999 to establish paternity and child support. I agreed to letting him take him every other weekend. A few weeks later, he got married and that was that.
About a month after he got married, I received a call from someone at The Jenny Jones Show. They were calling in regards to an upcoming show entitled How Someone Ruined Your Special Day. Apparently a mutual friend of ours had submitted my story to the show about Sperm Donor #1 being a dick and informing me of his upcoming nuptials after just having given birth to his first-born son. I admit…..I considered going on the show for a split second and then I graciously declined. Sperm Donor #1, myself & his new wife were all getting along fine and I thought why fix something that ain’t broken?
Continue Reading: The Fire Fighter
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