A friend of mine asked me today, “When do the hormones stop?”
She has a daughter who is just over 1 month old.

As moms, I’m sure we’ve all hit that point when not only handling motherhood for the first time but with subsequent childbirths as well.
When I had my first child, 11.5 years ago at the age of 20, I can honestly say that I didn’t have any real hormonal issues.
Yes, I worried that I wouldn’t be a good mom at the age of 20, let alone a single mom at the age of 20.
But somehow, I managed to get through it and I know I owe a huge part of that to my parents for having been there for me when I needed them most.

17 months after my son was born, I became a single mom to 2 at 21.
It was this pregnancy when my emotions took over.
I was 21, pregnant, a single mom and facing the impending birth of another child while my friends were all out celebrating being 21 and having the time of their lives.

During this pregnancy, I became depressed.
And worried.
And scared.
I resented not only myself, but my unborn child as well, yet, I was excited.
(If that even makes sense.)

When she was born, I was elated, yet I was overcome with emotions.
How was I going to raise two kids?
Again, I have to give props to my parents for stepping up and helping out and always being there for us.

I can admit that I hit some really, really low points after my daughter was born.
And, I did quite a few things I am not proud of.
And, I said a lot of things to a lot of people that I wish I could take back.
And, I lost a lot of friends because I let my anger and depression get the best of me.
And, I miss those friends.
I wish I could make things right between us again, and who knows, I might be able to sometime in the future.

With my 3rd pregnancy, things were both better and worse.
They were better in the aspect that I wasn’t scared and I knew that I wouldn’t have to do things alone this time.
I was (and am still) lucky to have a wonderful man by my side to support me throughout my pregnancy and knowing he would be there after the baby was born helped to lighten the load.

They were worse because I struggled with the idea of starting over with another baby and going through all the steps again.

After I delivered baby #3, things were fine.
For a little bit.
I think it was when he hit 3 weeks old that I started to notice changes in myself.
Changes like crying for no reason, or while watching TV, or reading a book, even when I was just sitting by myself in the quiet, I would cry.
Then came the anger.
Everything made me angry.
Not to mention I was exhausted.
It didn’t take much for me to get angry and bite heads off.
I would get so mad.
And then, then I got depressed.
And I ate.
And ate.
And ate.
I was exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely and about a million other words.
That’s when I realized something was definitely wrong.
I did what any mom addicted to the Internet would do.
I turned to Dr. Google.
There it was, staring back at me on the screen:

• depressed mood
• tearfulness
• inability to enjoy pleasurable activities
• trouble sleeping
• fatigue
• appetite problems
• suicidal thoughts
• feelings of inadequacy as a parent
• impaired concentration
• Decreased interest in sex
• Feelings of rejection

I had most of the symptoms of PPD.
Postpartum depression.
So, I talked to my husband about it.
Then, I called my doctor.
And was prescribed an anti-depressant.
It did help curb the mood swings and I am glad to say I no longer need it.
In addition to the meds, I did some reading.
One of the books that really helped me out landed in my hands shortly after my youngest turned one.
I had stumbled across a blog about a woman who had suffered from PPD and learned she had written a book about it.
It wasn’t a book written by an actress or a doctor.
It was written by mom.
A mom like me.
So, I read it.
And it amazed me.
To hear her story and know that I wasn’t the only one who had gone through or was going through this.
This book made me laugh.
Yes, I said laugh.
There was humor in a book about PPD.
Who knew it could be done?
I learned things from this book.
Like how to open up and talk to people about what’s going on with me.
And I recommend this book for any other women who are going through the same thing.
I still look back at that book as a reference when I’m facing a new struggle such as a mood I haven’t encountered before or just as help to get me over a bad hump.